So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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