So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
