Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Im part way to drunk.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
