Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
