why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
