she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
