Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
