I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
