i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
