oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
