I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
