That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
