I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
