I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize