oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
