I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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