Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
