What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
