why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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