WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize