Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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