Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
