she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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