Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
