You're so nebulous sometimes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
