didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
