I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
