I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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