I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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