The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
