Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
