Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
