is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
