At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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