everyone is single if you try hard enough
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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