Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
