Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
