i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I supernannyed him into submission
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
