Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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