If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
