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Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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