My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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