South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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