I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
