I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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