i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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