I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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