So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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