she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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