why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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