Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
