I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
