Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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