im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
