im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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