i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
