Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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