ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
