I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
