i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
