Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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