The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
