This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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