shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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