There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
