dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was like eating out sand paper
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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