you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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