Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
