Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
